As much as I’m excited for this brand new year, I have to be honest with you guys: I hate New Years Resolutions. The concept behind them is pretty nice; you make a promise to yourself that you will improve in some aspect that will result in you being a happier person. Sounds legit, right? But here’s the thing… why do we put so much emphasis on making these promises at the start of each year? We can make these promises ANYTIME throughout the entire year. And why do we make these promises to ourselves that don’t correspond to who we are? I mean, you’re really gonna go to the gym five times a week when you haven’t done any rigorous physical activity since high school? Whose goals are you making… yours or society’s? And to that I say – fuck that.
I’ve been in a funk for the past month. I was on cloud nine in my last blog post and now I’m telling you upfront that I’ve been in this stupid, depressed clusterfuck since then. I’ve tried everything from mindless distractions to consistently writing in my journal. I have to constantly remind myself that a broken heart doesn’t heal overnight… especially if you’re like me and constantly think about shit too often.
But I realized something. Happiness is here. It’s always been here, but I’m just refusing to accept it. When I think about my life, I can’t help but be proud and grateful for all the accomplishments I’ve made, friends I’ve kept around, and places I’ve been to. Just because one aspect in your life isn’t up to par with what you envision it to be doesn’t mean the rest of your life has failed. That should just give you motivation to really kick your ass into high gear. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, “What’s important to me? What do I WANT and what do I NEED?” Once you can answer those questions honestly for yourself, that’s when you can get your shit together and turn those ideas into actions.
And don’t ever feel like you need to justify yourself as to why you feel the way you feel. No one can tell you how to feel. Only YOU can internalize that for yourself.
So here’s my New Years Resolution from now til… ever. I want it ALL. *cue High School Musical number right here* Anyone? No? Damn you people for not understanding my love for Disney movies. (I’m mentally shaking my fist at you.)
But in all seriousness, I want to work on every aspect of myself. I want to grow as a dancer, I want to grow as a leader, I want to become more independent, I want to start vlogging again, I want to grow as a writer, and I want a kick-ass supportive partner that wants to share this crazy journey with me. I want to be a fucking modern day Renaissance Woman.
I know what you’re thinking – “Whoa, slow down girl! One thing at a time!” But who’s to say your methods are what’s going to work for me? Or that my methods are going to work for you? Maybe my crazy, spontaneous, impulsive way of living makes you uncomfortable. Or maybe it intrigues you. Whatever it does, it makes ME happy. And that’s all that matters. No one can take that away from me. No government, no institution, no workplace, no friend, no family, and especially no BOY… can take my right to be happy.
So here’s to a good year. 2014, I have a lot of plans for you. I know you’re going to test me, but I’m ready. Let’s kiss and make up. And kiss again. And then you can kiss my ass for testing me. Because I’m ready to run this shit.