Preach that Self Love


Everytime I hear a friend say they wish they were skinnier so they can feel beautiful, a part of me dies on the inside.

I get it.

It’s hard to harness self love from within when we live in a world that constantly tells us we’re imperfect and that we will never achieve happiness in our current state. It’s always easier said than done. I’m still learning how to love myself too, so I’m facing that same struggle.

As a person who deals in communities that unfortunately do focus on image, I see it all the time. A lot of my peers are always dieting and even if they DO look amazing and lose weight, they’re still unhappy. They feel they constantly need approval from others in order to feel a sense of acceptance. It’s a toxic situation and it can easily be stopped if we just took back the power that was stripped away from us.

Now I’m not saying the blame is entirely on media companies who make these sad advertisements. It’s a cycle. Media companies put out these messages, we internalize them, and as a result, we act out how we THINK we’re supposed to. News flash, my friends – we’re not SUPPOSED to do anything we don’t want to. Especially if it’s dictated by these media corporations when a majority of the executive board are rich white males.

Self love comes from within. It comes from a belief that YOU are good enough, no matter what happens in your life. It’s faith. Faith that what you look like on the outside doesn’t define how you are on the inside. I’ve heard of “self love” being a narcissistic trait. It CAN be… if you let it. But loving and accepting yourself is a human necessity. It’s just as important as breathing, drinking, and eating. You have to love yourself in order to feel complete in this life.

You can’t help others if  you can’t help yourself. You can’t love another person if you don’t know how to love yourself. It sounds simple enough, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t apply this concept to their lives.

So I say, FUCK IT! I’m tired of the world telling me I’m not good enough. I’m tired of being told my curves are a bad thing. I’m tired of letting other people dictate my happiness.

So I won’t. I’m in charge of my happiness. I’m the one in control. I love me just the way I am.

You can do it too! I believe in you!

 

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Stop Slut-Shaming!

Hey everyone! Happy Thursday!

Today I wanted to discuss something that’s been plaguing my mind for a while and I knew I’ve been wanting to write about it. Just in the two weeks alone, I’ve heard pretty questionable comments come from my straight male friends that have made me cringe and ask myself, “Why?”

A couple weeks ago, I was at a bar with two of my guy friends and we were talking about this girl that I’m not personally fond of. My one guy friend asked me to show me her picture and my response was pure confusion. I asked him, “Why does her physical appearance have anything to do with this? It’s not going to change the fact that she’s a mean person.” When I showed him her picture, he then responded with, “Oh, she looks like a nice girl! Are you sure you’re not just overreacting?”

Um… wut? Yeah. Ok.

Last weekend, I was hanging out with another male friend of mine and he told me about how he went to lunch with a girl who has a “slutty” reputation among her peers. His friends didn’t waste anytime to let him know that he shouldn’t have hung out with her.

And this my friends… is what we call slut shaming.

Emma Stone as "Olive Penderghast" in Screen Gems' EASY A.

You may or may not have heard of this term before, but EVERYONE regardless of their gender or sexuality should know it and understand it. Why? Because at the core of this problem is that people are not receiving the respect they deserve. And everyone deserves respect. Everyone.

Slut shaming is used to describe the act of making people feel guilty or inferior for expressing their sexuality in a way that isn’t orthodox or “normal.” Slut shaming has been so ingrained in our culture that it is now a SOCIETY-wide issue; as in, all genders play a part in sharing the blame. It can happen in many ways. For example, it can simply be when a man looks at a woman who’s getting sexually harassed at a bar and says, “Well she deserves it. Her skirt is short and her boobs are hanging out.” Or it can be when a woman looks at another woman and says, “She’s fucked so many guys… that little slut.” And be honest with yourself. You can’t tell me you’ve NEVER heard anyone say those things, or you’ve never thought them yourself.

Here’s some historical background on it – once upon a time, women didn’t have any rights and the only person they were allowed to fuck was their husband, a.k.a. the person who had legal ownership over her. Through time, we’ve opened our minds to allow women to have sex before marriage, but she has to be sure she LOVES him. Otherwise, you’re a slut for opening up your legs for some random dude. This is where we’re currently at and quite frankly, that’s sad.
ladylike_sexist

One of my male friends reposted this on his Facebook and I couldn’t help but cringe at it. You see, THIS is another example of slut shaming. Are you seeing a trend here? Basically, if a woman is labeled as a slut or whore, she gives up all her rights as a human being and we as a society have the right to treat her like the trash she is. IT’S RIDICULOUS, and I’m so tired of being bombarded with these messages on a daily basis. Just because someone expresses their sexuality in a way that isn’t the way you express yours, doesn’t mean they’re any less of a person. These women are exercising their right to have sex whenever they want with whoever they want. And what’s wrong with that? Men do it all the time.

It’s because of this notion that our precious va-jay-jay is this pure, untouched temple of heaven and if too many people have gone there, then this place has become a filthy, nasty, trashed up place. To achieve gender equality, we have to stop looking at it like that because it holds everyone to a different standard. And what happens when people don’t hold up to these standards? Then they become fucking failures that are slutty and stupid.

Listen up, y’all. Everyone has the right to express themselves however they see fit. It is their body, and it is their personal choice on what they want to do with it. It’s a pretty arrogant mentality if you feel like you have the right to tell someone what to wear, when to wear it, if they should have access to birth control, if they should be drinking that much, and so forth. So what I’m trying to say is… stop fucking telling people what to do! Stop treating women like they need to act in an appropriate way that YOU see fit in order to gain your respect. They deserve that respect from the beginning. We all do.

meangirlsslutwhore

It really comes down to a power dynamic. Women who behave in a way that is deemed appropriate by men are higher up the totem pole than women who behave in “bad” ways that men don’t approve of. Here’s a thought – why don’t we stop trying to please everyone else and why don’t we focus on what the fuck makes US happy? Who gives a fuck if someone doesn’t approve of how you behave? It’s your life – do what you want with it. Another person’s personal choices don’t affect yours. Stop being fixated on shit that doesn’t play any relevance to you in your life.

Stop controlling other people’s choices. You don’t have that right.

Men and Women Can’t Be Friends?!


So the other day when I was on Tumblr (which is like… everyday), I found this gif set and reblogged it. I did it for two reasons; 1) I absolutely love Hayao Miyazaki films. That man is brilliant. And 2) I completely agree with this statement. I’m really hoping this is an actual quote from him, but even if it’s not, I definitely agree with it. I’m really getting sick and tired of the generic “Hollywood” formula for male-female relationship portrayals on screen.

I’m sure you have an idea of what message I’m talking about, right? The message that “men and women can’t be friends.” If you observe any of your favorite television shows, sitcoms, cartoons, movies, etc., you’ll find that this Hollywood formula is repeated and regurgitated again and again. So it’s no surprise that we as consumers have internalized that message and now some people truly believe men and women CAN’T ever be just friends. I mean, really? How sad is this world we’re living in?

Men and women CAN be friends and it is definitely possible for them to just inspire each other to live without having romantic feelings involved. So call me optimistic or whatever, but I’m a firm believe in changing your attitude can really change a movement. If we all just started to believe in something and make it the norm, then it would become the norm. It’s really not that hard of a concept to swallow.

One of the main reasons people feel like men and women can’t be friends is that we can’t look at each other in a non-sexual way. So you know those arguments you would have with your significant other about “that girl he was texting from class” or “that boy that wanted to meet up with her for coffee?” Yeah, that’s US internalizing those messages about men and woman not being able to be friends. Because if we truly believed we can all just be friends, then there would be no fcking issue. BUT THERE IS ONE! And it’s not anyone’s fault necessarily, so stop getting angry at your significant other. It’s no surprise that a society that conditions people to think this way will result in people applying these concepts to their own lives.

The two shows in my childhood that really pissed me off about this concept were two Disney channel shows: Lizzie McGuire and Kim Possible. In both shows, the protagonist is a female and they’re both dealing with adolescence, growing up, and finding love. Their supporting characters, Ron and Gordo, are the best friends. Both characters have been childhood friends with the protagonists and harbored romantic feelings for the girls. And just as you’ve guessed it, they all end happily ever after at the end of both series.

Let me be real here. This really bothered me. Like, seriously bothered me and I was only 12 or 13 when these shows were playing. The way I can tell if a pairing in a show is a true OTP of mine (one true pairing) is if at the end when they’re finally together, I’m genuinely very happy. With Lizzie/Gordo and Kim/Ron, I totally felt like that shit was forced on. As if the producers of both shows were like, “Ok! Time to end the series. They need to do a big kiss scene and we need to order some fireworks and shit to go off in the background.” How ridiculous can this get?! Not only were both pairings not really developed throughout the series enough, but it just goes back to what I was saying from the beginning – the Hollywood formula for male-female relationships.

Honestly, both series would have been fine if it ended without both pairings ending up together. In fact, it would have been BETTER! Because that would show two strong, young females continue to grow and learn about themselves without having a romantic love interest. This is why kids nowadays think they need to be in relationships! This is why ANYONE thinks they need to be in a relationship! Because this notion that solitude = forever alone, scary, sad, and depressing, emphasizes that we should all be looking for our soul mate at any cost. Whatever happened to the messages that we can thrive in this lifetime as an individual being? Hm? Where’s that Hollywood formula? Oh wait… yeah that doesn’t exist because this whole society is driven by the biblical teachings that we are put on this planet to procreate so procreate we shall do!

And just for the record, I’m not trying to be Anti-(insert religion here). I’m just challenging the ways that we’ve always been taught to think. Because who’s to say your way is wrong and my way is right? Or vice versa? We’re all alive and living our lives, we might as well live it the way we want to, right?

So let’s start writing our own stories about friendship and growing up. Let’s start teaching the youth about respecting all types of friendship. And most importantly, let’s stop fcking sexualizing everything.

Now go forth and preach that shit.

What’s in a Name?

Photo from whimquarterly.com

Photo from whimquarterly.com

You know what’s funny? Finding romance in unexpected places. Well, I guess it’s not “funny” per se, but it definitely is ironic.

No, you know what’s funny? If you remember a couple blog posts back, I wrote about being single and how I didn’t want to date around. I titled that post “#1” because I was expecting to make it into a series of posts about why being a single girl in today’s modern age is pretty annoying because everyone expects you to find love. But… now things are different. In a good way of course, but things are different. Because I fell for someone.

So I’ve pretty much put myself out there in all my writing. If you’ve been with me in the beginning, you know I’ll tell you guys pretty much anything you want to know about me. The life of a blogger, ya know? So let’s just gossip for a few minutes because… well, why the hell not.

This came out of nowhere. Well, I guess I can’t really say out of NOWHERE… If I look at it objectively, this definitely has been building up over time. We’re friends. He was always someone I saw as just another friend. But one magical moment, everything changed. We realized there was something between us that we couldn’t ignore, and we just let our feelings steer our course. It’s beautiful, but ridiculously frightening. Not knowing where we’re going and what will become of us is terrifying, but thrilling at the same time. Isn’t it funny what feelings can do to your brain? Forget drugs – I have a natural fcking high.

I’ve been reading a lot lately since I finally graduated from college (YAY!) and I started rereading Romeo and Juliet. It’s literally been almost five years since I picked up that book, but I couldn’t help but want to reread it. I was watching an episode of Daria, and it was the episode where all the teachers go on strike so Daria had to become a substitute teacher for a bit. She subbed a freshmen English class and tested them on Romeo and Juliet. For some reason, based SOLELY on that part of the episode, I felt compelled to pick up the book and reread it.

Shakespeare is a genius. I’m pretty sure you knew that without me having to say it. The fact that his literature is recycled over and over in pop culture is proof that whatever he created was always brilliant. There’s one part of Romeo and Juliet that I’ve always remembered – and it’s this part that gave me so much insight into the current state of my love life.

It’s the famous scene where Romeo is wooing Juliet from her balcony. Juliet basically tells Romeo to abandon his name and run away with her. She says, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other word would smell just as sweet.” This line is so simple, yet makes SO much sense. Did anyone else read that part and go “HOLY FUCK. Mindblown. Thanks Shakespeare.” No? Because I just did. Shakespeare pretty much gave me a brain orgasm. A braingasm.

Because it’s TRUE! Relationships nowadays are so different than what they were 50 years ago. There’s so many types of relationships that not everything has a title. You see, me and this boy are dating, but we’re not in a relationship. For a little bit, I was confused as fck about that. I kept thinking, we do everything a normal couple does, so why can’t we have the title? But then everything made sense when I remembered that line from Romeo and Juliet. WHAT’S IN A NAME?!

A title is just a title. We just add weight to it in order to make it significant. There’s plenty of couples nowadays who don’t believe in marriage but they consider themselves as life-long partners. As with the dating scene, there’s plenty of couples out there that date, but not date. It may seem complicated in theory, but to each couple, it makes perfect sense. As long as both people’s needs are being met in the “relationship,” then who the fck cares about a title? Because when it comes down to it, only they know how each other feels. It doesn’t matter if no one else understands… what matters is that they’re happy and they understand.

I’ve always been an advocate for non-traditional… in every sense of the word. But I have to admit, even I got caught up in the black and white of the dating world. I was upset and confused because me and the boy didn’t have a title. But now that I’ve come to realize that because the title carries no meaning (unless we give it one), we don’t need to be constrained by society’s “rules” on how we should act in those specific roles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”

Of course we want it to happen someday, but we won’t know until we cross that bridge. So until then, I don’t mind him being “the boy.”

 

Single Girl Thoughts #1 – Yes, I Have Standards

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

The only person I’ve been kissing lately is my dog. And I guess that technically doesn’t count because it’s not a person.

So let me be clear on one thing – I AM happy. I’m not writing these series of posts to prove that I’m happy to anyone. If you are somehow involved in my life right now, you’ll just know. My life is on a positive path and I’m working hard to achieve my goals. Yes, I’m happy.

And surprise, surprise. I’m happy even if I’m NOT dating! (Say whaaat?!)

So I was inspired to write about this topic because I just got into a little squabble with a dear friend of mine. I was asking him for help to try to decode this text message I got from a guy and we got into conversation about dating. Specifically, he was asking me why I wouldn’t give this guy a chance and that I should start casually dating again. I, on the other hand, have a different viewpoint on all that.

Yes, I have standards. They’re not unbelievably high or anything, but I have standards. I say this a lot, but I guess people don’t really get it: I know what I want. So if I know what I want, why should I go on dates with people that I don’t want to know on that intimate level? I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with them. Of course we can be friends! But why would I go on a date with someone who’s interested in me if I’m not interested back? Wouldn’t that be what we call, “a pity date?” I’m pretty damn sure no guy would be delighted to know that the only reason a girl is going out with him is out of pity.

Also, I’m not saying I absolutely don’t care about what this guy has to say. Like I said, I’m totally down with being friends! FRIENDS. Meaning, yeah we can hang out in a group setting with OTHER FRIENDS. But don’t expect me to hang out with you in a one-on-one setting anytime soon.

Here’s what makes me mad. Why is it when a girl has standards she’s considered a bitch, but when she has virtually no standards she’s considered easy?

UGH! It just doesn’t make sense! So if I didn’t have any standards and just went out with every guy who was interested, you can’t fcking tell me that you and everyone else wouldn’t look at that and go “Damn, homegirl’s thirsty!” But lo and behold, the moment I’m just trying to play it cool and just not date around because I really, truly just wanna do me right now, people are like “Why you got a stick up your ass?!”

It’s just not fair. It’s like girls can’t ever win this stupid, imaginary debate. And if you’re wondering if I’m implying there’s a double standard… HELL YEAH I’m implying that! You can’t tell me that if you saw a happy, single guy who was busy doing his own shit and chasing his dreams, you would find that attractive. Everyone would be all over him. And then when he’s trying to talk to multiple girls at once, everyone’s like “Damn homie! Look at you playing the field!”

Why can’t I fucking play the field? Why can’t I just do my own thing and if I happen to meet someone that I’m interested in, I’ll date him then? Why do I have to be dating around right now just to be accepted in society as “happy?” Why can’t people believe me when I say I’m fine just doing me right now?

——–

On a personal note – SORRY I went on hiatus without letting you guys know! 😦 Life just got busy and I didn’t really have time to sit down and blog. But I’m back and I’ll be blogging more often (I PROMISE!) In case you guys miss my shenanigans, please follow me on all my social networks! I’m on everything – Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram, even Google+! (Even though no one knows what the fck that is, haha.)

Thanks for all your support! I’ll see you guys soon!

-Ally

10 Reasons Why You Should Date a Geek Girl

Hey guys! Happy Saturday!

Photo from inkbluesky.wordpress.com

Photo from inkbluesky.wordpress.com

So in honor of Youtube’s Geek Week, I decided to compile a list of reasons why dating a geek girl is the best decision you could possibly make in your lifetime. Because let’s be real… we’re the shit.

1. She can help you with your homework. Whether she’s really good at science, math, or literature, she is savvy in her area of expertise and can help you pass that class, yo.

2. She is a walking, living, and convenient encyclopedia. Chances are she’s a huge fan of something – whether it’s anime, video games, sci-fi, comic books, etc, and she will know EVERYTHING there is to that genre. Need a new video game to play? She’ll know what the latest releases are AND the reviews. Bam.

3. She ain’t afraid to walk into a comic book store. Fck those comic book staff that judge her. She’s still gonna buy the latest issue of Spiderman.

4. Video game nights make the perfect date.

5. You can have an enlightening and riveting conversation with her about almost any social issue since she’ll be up to date with current events.

6. Fan meet ups, cosplay gatherings, video game tournaments? Yeah, she’ll not only accompany you, but she’ll participate in them.

7. COSPLAY. Enough said.

8. She is up to date on the latest technology and she’ll have a well thought out opinion on different products.

9. You now have someone who can make terrible puns with you and think it’s hilarious. Han Solo? I think you mean, Han TAKEN!

10. Again, COSPLAY. Enough said.

Think I missed any? Add some more reasons in the comments! 🙂 Happy Geek Week! Check out Youtube this week to watch some awesome videos.

-Alice