Tag Archives: relationships

Preach that Self Love

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Everytime I hear a friend say they wish they were skinnier so they can feel beautiful, a part of me dies on the inside.

I get it.

It’s hard to harness self love from within when we live in a world that constantly tells us we’re imperfect and that we will never achieve happiness in our current state. It’s always easier said than done. I’m still learning how to love myself too, so I’m facing that same struggle.

As a person who deals in communities that unfortunately do focus on image, I see it all the time. A lot of my peers are always dieting and even if they DO look amazing and lose weight, they’re still unhappy. They feel they constantly need approval from others in order to feel a sense of acceptance. It’s a toxic situation and it can easily be stopped if we just took back the power that was stripped away from us.

Now I’m not saying the blame is entirely on media companies who make these sad advertisements. It’s a cycle. Media companies put out these messages, we internalize them, and as a result, we act out how we THINK we’re supposed to. News flash, my friends – we’re not SUPPOSED to do anything we don’t want to. Especially if it’s dictated by these media corporations when a majority of the executive board are rich white males.

Self love comes from within. It comes from a belief that YOU are good enough, no matter what happens in your life. It’s faith. Faith that what you look like on the outside doesn’t define how you are on the inside. I’ve heard of “self love” being a narcissistic trait. It CAN be… if you let it. But loving and accepting yourself is a human necessity. It’s just as important as breathing, drinking, and eating. You have to love yourself in order to feel complete in this life.

You can’t help others if  you can’t help yourself. You can’t love another person if you don’t know how to love yourself. It sounds simple enough, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t apply this concept to their lives.

So I say, FUCK IT! I’m tired of the world telling me I’m not good enough. I’m tired of being told my curves are a bad thing. I’m tired of letting other people dictate my happiness.

So I won’t. I’m in charge of my happiness. I’m the one in control. I love me just the way I am.

You can do it too! I believe in you!

 

Men and Women Can’t Be Friends?!

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So the other day when I was on Tumblr (which is like… everyday), I found this gif set and reblogged it. I did it for two reasons; 1) I absolutely love Hayao Miyazaki films. That man is brilliant. And 2) I completely agree with this statement. I’m really hoping this is an actual quote from him, but even if it’s not, I definitely agree with it. I’m really getting sick and tired of the generic “Hollywood” formula for male-female relationship portrayals on screen.

I’m sure you have an idea of what message I’m talking about, right? The message that “men and women can’t be friends.” If you observe any of your favorite television shows, sitcoms, cartoons, movies, etc., you’ll find that this Hollywood formula is repeated and regurgitated again and again. So it’s no surprise that we as consumers have internalized that message and now some people truly believe men and women CAN’T ever be just friends. I mean, really? How sad is this world we’re living in?

Men and women CAN be friends and it is definitely possible for them to just inspire each other to live without having romantic feelings involved. So call me optimistic or whatever, but I’m a firm believe in changing your attitude can really change a movement. If we all just started to believe in something and make it the norm, then it would become the norm. It’s really not that hard of a concept to swallow.

One of the main reasons people feel like men and women can’t be friends is that we can’t look at each other in a non-sexual way. So you know those arguments you would have with your significant other about “that girl he was texting from class” or “that boy that wanted to meet up with her for coffee?” Yeah, that’s US internalizing those messages about men and woman not being able to be friends. Because if we truly believed we can all just be friends, then there would be no fcking issue. BUT THERE IS ONE! And it’s not anyone’s fault necessarily, so stop getting angry at your significant other. It’s no surprise that a society that conditions people to think this way will result in people applying these concepts to their own lives.

The two shows in my childhood that really pissed me off about this concept were two Disney channel shows: Lizzie McGuire and Kim Possible. In both shows, the protagonist is a female and they’re both dealing with adolescence, growing up, and finding love. Their supporting characters, Ron and Gordo, are the best friends. Both characters have been childhood friends with the protagonists and harbored romantic feelings for the girls. And just as you’ve guessed it, they all end happily ever after at the end of both series.

Let me be real here. This really bothered me. Like, seriously bothered me and I was only 12 or 13 when these shows were playing. The way I can tell if a pairing in a show is a true OTP of mine (one true pairing) is if at the end when they’re finally together, I’m genuinely very happy. With Lizzie/Gordo and Kim/Ron, I totally felt like that shit was forced on. As if the producers of both shows were like, “Ok! Time to end the series. They need to do a big kiss scene and we need to order some fireworks and shit to go off in the background.” How ridiculous can this get?! Not only were both pairings not really developed throughout the series enough, but it just goes back to what I was saying from the beginning – the Hollywood formula for male-female relationships.

Honestly, both series would have been fine if it ended without both pairings ending up together. In fact, it would have been BETTER! Because that would show two strong, young females continue to grow and learn about themselves without having a romantic love interest. This is why kids nowadays think they need to be in relationships! This is why ANYONE thinks they need to be in a relationship! Because this notion that solitude = forever alone, scary, sad, and depressing, emphasizes that we should all be looking for our soul mate at any cost. Whatever happened to the messages that we can thrive in this lifetime as an individual being? Hm? Where’s that Hollywood formula? Oh wait… yeah that doesn’t exist because this whole society is driven by the biblical teachings that we are put on this planet to procreate so procreate we shall do!

And just for the record, I’m not trying to be Anti-(insert religion here). I’m just challenging the ways that we’ve always been taught to think. Because who’s to say your way is wrong and my way is right? Or vice versa? We’re all alive and living our lives, we might as well live it the way we want to, right?

So let’s start writing our own stories about friendship and growing up. Let’s start teaching the youth about respecting all types of friendship. And most importantly, let’s stop fcking sexualizing everything.

Now go forth and preach that shit.

What’s in a Name?

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Photo from whimquarterly.com

Photo from whimquarterly.com

You know what’s funny? Finding romance in unexpected places. Well, I guess it’s not “funny” per se, but it definitely is ironic.

No, you know what’s funny? If you remember a couple blog posts back, I wrote about being single and how I didn’t want to date around. I titled that post “#1” because I was expecting to make it into a series of posts about why being a single girl in today’s modern age is pretty annoying because everyone expects you to find love. But… now things are different. In a good way of course, but things are different. Because I fell for someone.

So I’ve pretty much put myself out there in all my writing. If you’ve been with me in the beginning, you know I’ll tell you guys pretty much anything you want to know about me. The life of a blogger, ya know? So let’s just gossip for a few minutes because… well, why the hell not.

This came out of nowhere. Well, I guess I can’t really say out of NOWHERE… If I look at it objectively, this definitely has been building up over time. We’re friends. He was always someone I saw as just another friend. But one magical moment, everything changed. We realized there was something between us that we couldn’t ignore, and we just let our feelings steer our course. It’s beautiful, but ridiculously frightening. Not knowing where we’re going and what will become of us is terrifying, but thrilling at the same time. Isn’t it funny what feelings can do to your brain? Forget drugs – I have a natural fcking high.

I’ve been reading a lot lately since I finally graduated from college (YAY!) and I started rereading Romeo and Juliet. It’s literally been almost five years since I picked up that book, but I couldn’t help but want to reread it. I was watching an episode of Daria, and it was the episode where all the teachers go on strike so Daria had to become a substitute teacher for a bit. She subbed a freshmen English class and tested them on Romeo and Juliet. For some reason, based SOLELY on that part of the episode, I felt compelled to pick up the book and reread it.

Shakespeare is a genius. I’m pretty sure you knew that without me having to say it. The fact that his literature is recycled over and over in pop culture is proof that whatever he created was always brilliant. There’s one part of Romeo and Juliet that I’ve always remembered – and it’s this part that gave me so much insight into the current state of my love life.

It’s the famous scene where Romeo is wooing Juliet from her balcony. Juliet basically tells Romeo to abandon his name and run away with her. She says, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other word would smell just as sweet.” This line is so simple, yet makes SO much sense. Did anyone else read that part and go “HOLY FUCK. Mindblown. Thanks Shakespeare.” No? Because I just did. Shakespeare pretty much gave me a brain orgasm. A braingasm.

Because it’s TRUE! Relationships nowadays are so different than what they were 50 years ago. There’s so many types of relationships that not everything has a title. You see, me and this boy are dating, but we’re not in a relationship. For a little bit, I was confused as fck about that. I kept thinking, we do everything a normal couple does, so why can’t we have the title? But then everything made sense when I remembered that line from Romeo and Juliet. WHAT’S IN A NAME?!

A title is just a title. We just add weight to it in order to make it significant. There’s plenty of couples nowadays who don’t believe in marriage but they consider themselves as life-long partners. As with the dating scene, there’s plenty of couples out there that date, but not date. It may seem complicated in theory, but to each couple, it makes perfect sense. As long as both people’s needs are being met in the “relationship,” then who the fck cares about a title? Because when it comes down to it, only they know how each other feels. It doesn’t matter if no one else understands… what matters is that they’re happy and they understand.

I’ve always been an advocate for non-traditional… in every sense of the word. But I have to admit, even I got caught up in the black and white of the dating world. I was upset and confused because me and the boy didn’t have a title. But now that I’ve come to realize that because the title carries no meaning (unless we give it one), we don’t need to be constrained by society’s “rules” on how we should act in those specific roles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”

Of course we want it to happen someday, but we won’t know until we cross that bridge. So until then, I don’t mind him being “the boy.”

 

Single Girl Thoughts #1 – Yes, I Have Standards

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Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

The only person I’ve been kissing lately is my dog. And I guess that technically doesn’t count because it’s not a person.

So let me be clear on one thing – I AM happy. I’m not writing these series of posts to prove that I’m happy to anyone. If you are somehow involved in my life right now, you’ll just know. My life is on a positive path and I’m working hard to achieve my goals. Yes, I’m happy.

And surprise, surprise. I’m happy even if I’m NOT dating! (Say whaaat?!)

So I was inspired to write about this topic because I just got into a little squabble with a dear friend of mine. I was asking him for help to try to decode this text message I got from a guy and we got into conversation about dating. Specifically, he was asking me why I wouldn’t give this guy a chance and that I should start casually dating again. I, on the other hand, have a different viewpoint on all that.

Yes, I have standards. They’re not unbelievably high or anything, but I have standards. I say this a lot, but I guess people don’t really get it: I know what I want. So if I know what I want, why should I go on dates with people that I don’t want to know on that intimate level? I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with them. Of course we can be friends! But why would I go on a date with someone who’s interested in me if I’m not interested back? Wouldn’t that be what we call, “a pity date?” I’m pretty damn sure no guy would be delighted to know that the only reason a girl is going out with him is out of pity.

Also, I’m not saying I absolutely don’t care about what this guy has to say. Like I said, I’m totally down with being friends! FRIENDS. Meaning, yeah we can hang out in a group setting with OTHER FRIENDS. But don’t expect me to hang out with you in a one-on-one setting anytime soon.

Here’s what makes me mad. Why is it when a girl has standards she’s considered a bitch, but when she has virtually no standards she’s considered easy?

UGH! It just doesn’t make sense! So if I didn’t have any standards and just went out with every guy who was interested, you can’t fcking tell me that you and everyone else wouldn’t look at that and go “Damn, homegirl’s thirsty!” But lo and behold, the moment I’m just trying to play it cool and just not date around because I really, truly just wanna do me right now, people are like “Why you got a stick up your ass?!”

It’s just not fair. It’s like girls can’t ever win this stupid, imaginary debate. And if you’re wondering if I’m implying there’s a double standard… HELL YEAH I’m implying that! You can’t tell me that if you saw a happy, single guy who was busy doing his own shit and chasing his dreams, you would find that attractive. Everyone would be all over him. And then when he’s trying to talk to multiple girls at once, everyone’s like “Damn homie! Look at you playing the field!”

Why can’t I fucking play the field? Why can’t I just do my own thing and if I happen to meet someone that I’m interested in, I’ll date him then? Why do I have to be dating around right now just to be accepted in society as “happy?” Why can’t people believe me when I say I’m fine just doing me right now?

——–

On a personal note – SORRY I went on hiatus without letting you guys know! 😦 Life just got busy and I didn’t really have time to sit down and blog. But I’m back and I’ll be blogging more often (I PROMISE!) In case you guys miss my shenanigans, please follow me on all my social networks! I’m on everything – Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram, even Google+! (Even though no one knows what the fck that is, haha.)

Thanks for all your support! I’ll see you guys soon!

-Ally

Day 20: Dear Future Significant Other

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Dear Future Significant Other,

Bonus points if you know which Japanese drama this is from! ;)

Bonus points if you know which Japanese drama this is from! 😉

Well first off, hello there! This is awkward writing to someone I don’t know yet, but bear with me. I’m here to give you some heads up on what to expect when we’re hitched and ready to start our life together.

And by the way, that wasn’t some weird sexual innuendo. By “heads up” I mean that I’m just giving you some advice. Pervert.

I can be absolutely and utterly impulsive, which can be both good and bad. Once I decide to do something, I’m going to find a way to do it. Please be understanding and know that it’s nothing personal if I’m going to be away from you from periods of time. I’m just chasing dreams, no matter how old I am. I hope you will still be by my side and support me as I do.

I can also be ridiculously stubborn in my ways. Yes, I hear your side of the story and understand your opinions, but that doesn’t mean I like them. And I’ll make sure you know I don’t like them. Please be patient with me on this one… I’m trying to get better at this.

I hope you can put up with my love for the Geek Fandom. I love going to conventions and cosplaying. I love watching anime and blogging about how it makes me feel. I love dancing to Jpop and Kpop songs. I hope you like this too, otherwise our relationship can be pretty difficult to maintain.

Oh and on the topic of Geek Culture, I hope you don’t mind my mass collection of manga and comic books. I like collecting these things and you better not fcking sell these on eBay if we’re ever in need of money. I don’t care HOW broke we might get… I’d rather sell our TV. We can always watch shows on our laptops… duh…

I also have a Love-Hate relationship with food. Sometimes I’ll want to eat and pass out on the couch and sometimes I’ll be religiously counting my calories. Sorry in advanced. I know this behavior is so bipolar, but again, be patient with me. Just encourage me to workout with you and we’ll be good.

Lastly, I like to dance. I hope you do too. Or this could get awkward. At least twerk or something. If you need help, there’s a bunch of tutorials on Youtube.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I promise to love and cherish you as long as you love and cherish me. May we find everlasting happiness together.

Love,
Ally

Day 13: A Letter to Someone

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Hey guys! Happy TMI Tuesday!

So the actual challenge today is “A Letter to Someone Who Hurt You Recently.” And if that isn’t some weird parallel to my life right now, I don’t know what is. Don’t worry… I’ll explain.

Just as a side note, I’m probably not going to stay true to this challenge because I did recently write a letter to someone who hurt me. I said what I needed to say, and that’s the end of it. I don’t need to be blasting that information here.

Soo um, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: I’m single. I recently got out of a long term relationship. Many of you who keep up with my blog are real life friends of mine so you obviously know who it is. Honestly, there’s not really much to say about it. I know everyone always expects this dramatic, tragic ending but really… is that how life always is? Yes, our lives can get pretty fcking crazy and hectic, but sometimes the answers to some of our biggest problems are the most simplest ideas. Now I’ll answer some of the most common questions that are probably running through your head:

1) Are you ok?
Yes, I’m fine. I mean, no break up is ever easy so I’m not like, COMPLETELY ok. But I’m doing just fine and I’m keeping a positive attitude. It helps that I have amazing friends by my side. I really don’t know what I’d do without you guys.

2) What happened?!?!?!111 😦
To answer this in the most accurate and direct way – LIFE happened. You can’t expect a happy ending with every person you date; that’s just a naive way to view life. Life took he and I in two different paths and we could no longer make it work, no matter how hard we tried. And that’s ok. I wish him the best and I hope he finds happiness.

And uh… that’s all the common questions I could think of. If you want to ask me anything else, then by all means, go for it.

Break ups are tough and the path back to happiness is always a struggle. What’s important to know is that you should never feel bad about yourself and think you weren’t good enough. If anyone ever makes you feel less than you’re worth, then it’s time to GTFO of that hot mess. Just because it didn’t work out with that person, doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for ANYONE. You are a gem, and you are the only YOU in this entire universe. If the person you’re dating can’t appreciate that, then fck them!

Not literally.. but… you know what I mean.

And just for the record, I’m not implying that he thought I was worthless. In fact, he treated me very well. I’m just speaking on a general break up note.

Also, if you’re going through a break up or a hard/complicated time in your relationship, remember to talk it out with someone you trust. It’s hard to deal with all those feelings by yourself. It’s overwhelming and you probably won’t be making rational decisions because of how emotional you might be. So find a trustworthy friend or a counselor and let them feels out.

My last piece of advice for handling a break up is… hellooo… music! In case you didn’t read some of my previous posts, I mentioned my favorite break up song is Hilary Duff’s “So Yesterday.” This song helps me feel a little stronger and helps me move forward. It might not work for you, so make sure you find a song that really resonates with your situation. If all else fails, blast some Destiny’s Child.

For all the women who independent, throw yo hands up at meeee.

(Please tell me you know that song. Shame on you if you don’t know that classic Destiny’s Child song.)

TMI Fact of the Day: The other day at work, I almost tripped. I got so scared that I was gonna eat shit, that I farted.

Uh.. yeah. Random. It was really funny when it happened though. My shift lead and I died laughing that night.

-Alice