Stop Slut-Shaming!

Hey everyone! Happy Thursday!

Today I wanted to discuss something that’s been plaguing my mind for a while and I knew I’ve been wanting to write about it. Just in the two weeks alone, I’ve heard pretty questionable comments come from my straight male friends that have made me cringe and ask myself, “Why?”

A couple weeks ago, I was at a bar with two of my guy friends and we were talking about this girl that I’m not personally fond of. My one guy friend asked me to show me her picture and my response was pure confusion. I asked him, “Why does her physical appearance have anything to do with this? It’s not going to change the fact that she’s a mean person.” When I showed him her picture, he then responded with, “Oh, she looks like a nice girl! Are you sure you’re not just overreacting?”

Um… wut? Yeah. Ok.

Last weekend, I was hanging out with another male friend of mine and he told me about how he went to lunch with a girl who has a “slutty” reputation among her peers. His friends didn’t waste anytime to let him know that he shouldn’t have hung out with her.

And this my friends… is what we call slut shaming.

Emma Stone as "Olive Penderghast" in Screen Gems' EASY A.

You may or may not have heard of this term before, but EVERYONE regardless of their gender or sexuality should know it and understand it. Why? Because at the core of this problem is that people are not receiving the respect they deserve. And everyone deserves respect. Everyone.

Slut shaming is used to describe the act of making people feel guilty or inferior for expressing their sexuality in a way that isn’t orthodox or “normal.” Slut shaming has been so ingrained in our culture that it is now a SOCIETY-wide issue; as in, all genders play a part in sharing the blame. It can happen in many ways. For example, it can simply be when a man looks at a woman who’s getting sexually harassed at a bar and says, “Well she deserves it. Her skirt is short and her boobs are hanging out.” Or it can be when a woman looks at another woman and says, “She’s fucked so many guys… that little slut.” And be honest with yourself. You can’t tell me you’ve NEVER heard anyone say those things, or you’ve never thought them yourself.

Here’s some historical background on it – once upon a time, women didn’t have any rights and the only person they were allowed to fuck was their husband, a.k.a. the person who had legal ownership over her. Through time, we’ve opened our minds to allow women to have sex before marriage, but she has to be sure she LOVES him. Otherwise, you’re a slut for opening up your legs for some random dude. This is where we’re currently at and quite frankly, that’s sad.
ladylike_sexist

One of my male friends reposted this on his Facebook and I couldn’t help but cringe at it. You see, THIS is another example of slut shaming. Are you seeing a trend here? Basically, if a woman is labeled as a slut or whore, she gives up all her rights as a human being and we as a society have the right to treat her like the trash she is. IT’S RIDICULOUS, and I’m so tired of being bombarded with these messages on a daily basis. Just because someone expresses their sexuality in a way that isn’t the way you express yours, doesn’t mean they’re any less of a person. These women are exercising their right to have sex whenever they want with whoever they want. And what’s wrong with that? Men do it all the time.

It’s because of this notion that our precious va-jay-jay is this pure, untouched temple of heaven and if too many people have gone there, then this place has become a filthy, nasty, trashed up place. To achieve gender equality, we have to stop looking at it like that because it holds everyone to a different standard. And what happens when people don’t hold up to these standards? Then they become fucking failures that are slutty and stupid.

Listen up, y’all. Everyone has the right to express themselves however they see fit. It is their body, and it is their personal choice on what they want to do with it. It’s a pretty arrogant mentality if you feel like you have the right to tell someone what to wear, when to wear it, if they should have access to birth control, if they should be drinking that much, and so forth. So what I’m trying to say is… stop fucking telling people what to do! Stop treating women like they need to act in an appropriate way that YOU see fit in order to gain your respect. They deserve that respect from the beginning. We all do.

meangirlsslutwhore

It really comes down to a power dynamic. Women who behave in a way that is deemed appropriate by men are higher up the totem pole than women who behave in “bad” ways that men don’t approve of. Here’s a thought – why don’t we stop trying to please everyone else and why don’t we focus on what the fuck makes US happy? Who gives a fuck if someone doesn’t approve of how you behave? It’s your life – do what you want with it. Another person’s personal choices don’t affect yours. Stop being fixated on shit that doesn’t play any relevance to you in your life.

Stop controlling other people’s choices. You don’t have that right.

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What’s in a Name?

Photo from whimquarterly.com

Photo from whimquarterly.com

You know what’s funny? Finding romance in unexpected places. Well, I guess it’s not “funny” per se, but it definitely is ironic.

No, you know what’s funny? If you remember a couple blog posts back, I wrote about being single and how I didn’t want to date around. I titled that post “#1” because I was expecting to make it into a series of posts about why being a single girl in today’s modern age is pretty annoying because everyone expects you to find love. But… now things are different. In a good way of course, but things are different. Because I fell for someone.

So I’ve pretty much put myself out there in all my writing. If you’ve been with me in the beginning, you know I’ll tell you guys pretty much anything you want to know about me. The life of a blogger, ya know? So let’s just gossip for a few minutes because… well, why the hell not.

This came out of nowhere. Well, I guess I can’t really say out of NOWHERE… If I look at it objectively, this definitely has been building up over time. We’re friends. He was always someone I saw as just another friend. But one magical moment, everything changed. We realized there was something between us that we couldn’t ignore, and we just let our feelings steer our course. It’s beautiful, but ridiculously frightening. Not knowing where we’re going and what will become of us is terrifying, but thrilling at the same time. Isn’t it funny what feelings can do to your brain? Forget drugs – I have a natural fcking high.

I’ve been reading a lot lately since I finally graduated from college (YAY!) and I started rereading Romeo and Juliet. It’s literally been almost five years since I picked up that book, but I couldn’t help but want to reread it. I was watching an episode of Daria, and it was the episode where all the teachers go on strike so Daria had to become a substitute teacher for a bit. She subbed a freshmen English class and tested them on Romeo and Juliet. For some reason, based SOLELY on that part of the episode, I felt compelled to pick up the book and reread it.

Shakespeare is a genius. I’m pretty sure you knew that without me having to say it. The fact that his literature is recycled over and over in pop culture is proof that whatever he created was always brilliant. There’s one part of Romeo and Juliet that I’ve always remembered – and it’s this part that gave me so much insight into the current state of my love life.

It’s the famous scene where Romeo is wooing Juliet from her balcony. Juliet basically tells Romeo to abandon his name and run away with her. She says, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other word would smell just as sweet.” This line is so simple, yet makes SO much sense. Did anyone else read that part and go “HOLY FUCK. Mindblown. Thanks Shakespeare.” No? Because I just did. Shakespeare pretty much gave me a brain orgasm. A braingasm.

Because it’s TRUE! Relationships nowadays are so different than what they were 50 years ago. There’s so many types of relationships that not everything has a title. You see, me and this boy are dating, but we’re not in a relationship. For a little bit, I was confused as fck about that. I kept thinking, we do everything a normal couple does, so why can’t we have the title? But then everything made sense when I remembered that line from Romeo and Juliet. WHAT’S IN A NAME?!

A title is just a title. We just add weight to it in order to make it significant. There’s plenty of couples nowadays who don’t believe in marriage but they consider themselves as life-long partners. As with the dating scene, there’s plenty of couples out there that date, but not date. It may seem complicated in theory, but to each couple, it makes perfect sense. As long as both people’s needs are being met in the “relationship,” then who the fck cares about a title? Because when it comes down to it, only they know how each other feels. It doesn’t matter if no one else understands… what matters is that they’re happy and they understand.

I’ve always been an advocate for non-traditional… in every sense of the word. But I have to admit, even I got caught up in the black and white of the dating world. I was upset and confused because me and the boy didn’t have a title. But now that I’ve come to realize that because the title carries no meaning (unless we give it one), we don’t need to be constrained by society’s “rules” on how we should act in those specific roles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”

Of course we want it to happen someday, but we won’t know until we cross that bridge. So until then, I don’t mind him being “the boy.”

 

Single Girl Thoughts #1 – Yes, I Have Standards

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

The only person I’ve been kissing lately is my dog. And I guess that technically doesn’t count because it’s not a person.

So let me be clear on one thing – I AM happy. I’m not writing these series of posts to prove that I’m happy to anyone. If you are somehow involved in my life right now, you’ll just know. My life is on a positive path and I’m working hard to achieve my goals. Yes, I’m happy.

And surprise, surprise. I’m happy even if I’m NOT dating! (Say whaaat?!)

So I was inspired to write about this topic because I just got into a little squabble with a dear friend of mine. I was asking him for help to try to decode this text message I got from a guy and we got into conversation about dating. Specifically, he was asking me why I wouldn’t give this guy a chance and that I should start casually dating again. I, on the other hand, have a different viewpoint on all that.

Yes, I have standards. They’re not unbelievably high or anything, but I have standards. I say this a lot, but I guess people don’t really get it: I know what I want. So if I know what I want, why should I go on dates with people that I don’t want to know on that intimate level? I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with them. Of course we can be friends! But why would I go on a date with someone who’s interested in me if I’m not interested back? Wouldn’t that be what we call, “a pity date?” I’m pretty damn sure no guy would be delighted to know that the only reason a girl is going out with him is out of pity.

Also, I’m not saying I absolutely don’t care about what this guy has to say. Like I said, I’m totally down with being friends! FRIENDS. Meaning, yeah we can hang out in a group setting with OTHER FRIENDS. But don’t expect me to hang out with you in a one-on-one setting anytime soon.

Here’s what makes me mad. Why is it when a girl has standards she’s considered a bitch, but when she has virtually no standards she’s considered easy?

UGH! It just doesn’t make sense! So if I didn’t have any standards and just went out with every guy who was interested, you can’t fcking tell me that you and everyone else wouldn’t look at that and go “Damn, homegirl’s thirsty!” But lo and behold, the moment I’m just trying to play it cool and just not date around because I really, truly just wanna do me right now, people are like “Why you got a stick up your ass?!”

It’s just not fair. It’s like girls can’t ever win this stupid, imaginary debate. And if you’re wondering if I’m implying there’s a double standard… HELL YEAH I’m implying that! You can’t tell me that if you saw a happy, single guy who was busy doing his own shit and chasing his dreams, you would find that attractive. Everyone would be all over him. And then when he’s trying to talk to multiple girls at once, everyone’s like “Damn homie! Look at you playing the field!”

Why can’t I fucking play the field? Why can’t I just do my own thing and if I happen to meet someone that I’m interested in, I’ll date him then? Why do I have to be dating around right now just to be accepted in society as “happy?” Why can’t people believe me when I say I’m fine just doing me right now?

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On a personal note – SORRY I went on hiatus without letting you guys know! 😦 Life just got busy and I didn’t really have time to sit down and blog. But I’m back and I’ll be blogging more often (I PROMISE!) In case you guys miss my shenanigans, please follow me on all my social networks! I’m on everything – Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram, even Google+! (Even though no one knows what the fck that is, haha.)

Thanks for all your support! I’ll see you guys soon!

-Ally