#YesAllWomen Put Up With This Shit – Elliot Rodger, Misogyny, and Rape Culture

elliotrodgerElliot Rodger

 

On May 23, 2014, Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree in Isla Vista, CA, resulting in murdering six innocent people, wounding 13 more, and taking away his own life.

You’ve probably already heard of this story whether  you saw it on the news, on your newsfeed on Facebook, or on other blogs, but I wanted to take this opportunity and contribute to the conversation.

What most national news outlets don’t really mention or address is the fact that Elliot Rodger is a disturbing misogynistic, entitled asshole with a gun. Oh, I’m sorry, is that too insensitive of a title for you? Most media coverage of this event seriously write him off as a “madman” a “psycho” or a “lonely virgin.”

Um, excuse me, but when was it okay to dismiss this boy’s actions as insane? Whether or not he’s mentally ill is still left up for discussion, but THIS whole song and dance of “boy killing girl because girl refuses his sexual advances” is NOT new. In fact, it’s like one of those overdone pop songs on the radio that you hear at least every hour in one day. Everyone’s fucking tired of this shit.

According to thinkprogress.org, more than one in three women will experience rape, violence, and/or stalking at the hands of an intimate partner in their lifetimes. Eighty-five percent of intimate partner violence victims are women. THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE! This is our culture trying to tell us that there is some SERIOUS issues we need to work out.

Elliot Rodger is the by product of our patriarchal society that normalizes rape culture. Now, what is rape culture?

“Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.  Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety,” (Marshall, 2013).

So because we live in a society that pretty much deems it OK to objectify women and treat them like some reward that men are entitled to have, we get people like Elliot Rodger who grow up with this toxic way of thinking. I viewed two of his videos that he uploaded on his YouTube channel before he went apeshit on this massacre, and I honestly couldn’t even finish a minute of them. This boy is seriously just fucked up in the head. And who do we blame? His parents? His roommates? His friends, if he had any?

We should ALL take part in the blame. Because like I said, he is the by product of our twisted misogynistic rape culture.

If this isn’t a wake up call to action, I don’t know what the fuck is. How many daughters, sisters, girlfriends, wives, friends, PEOPLE have to die in order for our society to realize that misogyny exists? Why is it so hard for people to admit that misogyny kills?

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with people that don’t understand that gender is a social construct. WE have the power to change our attitudes about this world and how we see it. No one’s forcing you to follow some imaginary manifesto of how to live your life. YOU decide how to live your life. YOU have the power to change how you view things. And that means that these useless ideas of “what it means to be a boy” or “what it means to be a girl” is GARBAGE! Throw that shit away and write your own story. A story where everyone is deserving of love, happiness, and respect.

The only good thing that has risen from this terrible situation is the fact that women everywhere took to their social media outlets, outraged at all the injustice, and told their stories using the hashtag “#YesAllWomen.” I, myself, participated in this trend and DAMN – that felt so liberating. I highly encourage you to add your own Facebook status or tweet to the discussion. Trust me, this is a long battle that we have yet to win.

And if you’re a man, you can TOTALLY take part in that conversation! This isn’t some Girls Only Club and you can’t sit with us. You can add to the discussion too… as long as you’re an ally. If you’re wondering how you can become one, just stop and think. Think about how you would want your daughter to be treated. Think about how you want your mother to be treated. Think about how YOU want to be treated. Then read these stories and realize this is a reality that every woman endures. We don’t want to put up with this shit anymore than you don’t want to hear it.

Ignorance is not cute. Apathy is so not cool anymore. If you remain passive, you become part of the problem. You want to be strong? Then call that shit out when you see it and become part of the movement.

We get that #NotAllMen are like Elliot Rodger, but you know what? There’s too many of you who are.

A friend of mine once said, “You shouldn’t have to convince people that everyone is deserving of equality. That should be a basic fundamental right.”

I totally agree. So let’s keep that movement growing.

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Why it’s Cool to be a Feminist

Let’s be real – when you hear the word “feminist,” people like to run as far away as possible.

I’ve realized lately that ever since I’ve come out as a feminist blogger, guys don’t really hit me up anymore. Straight guys, to be specific. For the past week, I kept thinking why no guys would talk to me. I’m single, I’m not terribly ugly, and I’m a fun person with good vibes. What’s not to love?!

Then it hit me. I plaster the word “feminist” on all my social media outlets. And that’s my Achilles’ heel.

This compelled me to write a piece explaining myself and all the other feminists out there. We get a bad rep because people truly just don’t know what we do and why we do it. People just see the crazy, irrational, angry personas and think, “Oh hell naw, I ain’t getting near that.” Well, you SHOULD want to get near us. We’re compassionate, loving people who believe in equality for all.

Feminism means believing in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. (Straight up quoted that from Beyonce’s album. See, even Queen Bey knows what’s up!) That’s ALL it is. It means recognizing the power structures that exist in our society and challenging them to create structures that support everyone of all backgrounds. It means believing that anyone regardless of sex, gender, religion, and ethnicity deserve an equal chance to pursue happiness and liberty.

So, if YOU believe that, then voila! You’re a feminist! Yay, welcome to the club! And don’t be scared; you should be fucking proud to say you believe in equality.

I hear often from people that they don’t like the word “feminist” and prefer to be called “humanist” or “equalist.” Here’s why that’s toxic in itself. Humanism is rooted from the European Enlightenment. That is, privileged white European men sought to remake humans of the New World in their own image. (Messina-Dysert, 2013). Basically, it’s founded on patriarchal values that ignore all other gender and ethnic based injustices. Equalists, or egalitarianism, is rooted from the French and means that everyone should be of equal status. It means all humans should be treated equally and have equal opportunities. While that sounds fantastic and it is ultimately what we feminists want, it really dances around the belief that there IS gender inequality in the world. What that says to me is you don’t understand how patriarchy works. Egalitarianism and feminism go hand and hand, but feminism addresses that there IS an inequality that needs to be fixed. By saying you’re egalitarian, you deny that there’s any injustice going on. And real talk, that’s bullshit.

Feminism isn’t about hating men and stripping them of every ounce of power they have. It’s about allowing everyone else who isn’t a White male a chance at being treated with respect and equality. So yes, feminism does have the bias of women’s rights, but look at the history of this country – of this WORLD. Really, really look at it. If you still don’t see anything wrong, then I suggest you slap yourself. Because that’s some fucked up shit.

The fact that people don’t even want to be called “feminine” is toxic. It perpetuates this notion that displaying any sort of feminine characteristic is degrading and you should be ashamed of it. Are you starting to catch my drift? It’s not about “ermahgerd, women just want to be dominant and powerful! Onoz, what about teh mens!?” Well, what about them? They’ve had their story told over and over again. They’ve had their story told in history books, in literature, in movies,  in comic books, in politics, and in the media.

So again, I ask you, what about them?

It’s an unfair advantage they have and it has to stop. These existing power structures need to be dismantled in order to obtain an egalitarian culture.  It’s a long battle, but we can’t just give up. If we give up, we let all the strong women who dedicated their whole lives to advocating change die in vain. Their efforts can’t go unnoticed.

And if you’re a White male reading this and thinking, “Well, how the hell does this effect me? I’m totally on the winning side here.”

Indeed you are. This. my friends, is what we call White Privilege. It’s been debated a lot in the academic and media forums because of Princeton freshman Tal Fortgang’s essay that Time republished. If you’re white, you benefit from these existing power structures. That’s it. It’s a fact. No one would want to make this up. Trust me, we have better things to do with our time than sit here and make up concepts that put us colored people at a disadvantage.

So basically what I’m trying to say is that being a feminist means you’re a lovely human being that truly has good morals and beliefs. And I think that’s fucking awesome and cool.

It’s cool to be a feminist. I think women who are empowered by their knowledge of the world is so amazing. Guys, don’t be afraid of that. As Iggy Azalea said, “You should want a bad bitch like this.”

I’m a feminist because I believe in living in a world where my hard work and efforts will grant me the same success that a man’s would. I’m a feminist because I want to live in a world where terrorists won’t kidnap a bunch of girls and threaten them because they don’t believe women should have the right to an education. I’m a feminist because I want to live in a world where my daughters won’t be accused of being a slut if she expresses her sexuality in a way that doesn’t fit in a conventional mold.

It’s 2014. It’s time we make some changes around here.

Preach that Self Love


Everytime I hear a friend say they wish they were skinnier so they can feel beautiful, a part of me dies on the inside.

I get it.

It’s hard to harness self love from within when we live in a world that constantly tells us we’re imperfect and that we will never achieve happiness in our current state. It’s always easier said than done. I’m still learning how to love myself too, so I’m facing that same struggle.

As a person who deals in communities that unfortunately do focus on image, I see it all the time. A lot of my peers are always dieting and even if they DO look amazing and lose weight, they’re still unhappy. They feel they constantly need approval from others in order to feel a sense of acceptance. It’s a toxic situation and it can easily be stopped if we just took back the power that was stripped away from us.

Now I’m not saying the blame is entirely on media companies who make these sad advertisements. It’s a cycle. Media companies put out these messages, we internalize them, and as a result, we act out how we THINK we’re supposed to. News flash, my friends – we’re not SUPPOSED to do anything we don’t want to. Especially if it’s dictated by these media corporations when a majority of the executive board are rich white males.

Self love comes from within. It comes from a belief that YOU are good enough, no matter what happens in your life. It’s faith. Faith that what you look like on the outside doesn’t define how you are on the inside. I’ve heard of “self love” being a narcissistic trait. It CAN be… if you let it. But loving and accepting yourself is a human necessity. It’s just as important as breathing, drinking, and eating. You have to love yourself in order to feel complete in this life.

You can’t help others if  you can’t help yourself. You can’t love another person if you don’t know how to love yourself. It sounds simple enough, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t apply this concept to their lives.

So I say, FUCK IT! I’m tired of the world telling me I’m not good enough. I’m tired of being told my curves are a bad thing. I’m tired of letting other people dictate my happiness.

So I won’t. I’m in charge of my happiness. I’m the one in control. I love me just the way I am.

You can do it too! I believe in you!

 

Stop Slut-Shaming!

Hey everyone! Happy Thursday!

Today I wanted to discuss something that’s been plaguing my mind for a while and I knew I’ve been wanting to write about it. Just in the two weeks alone, I’ve heard pretty questionable comments come from my straight male friends that have made me cringe and ask myself, “Why?”

A couple weeks ago, I was at a bar with two of my guy friends and we were talking about this girl that I’m not personally fond of. My one guy friend asked me to show me her picture and my response was pure confusion. I asked him, “Why does her physical appearance have anything to do with this? It’s not going to change the fact that she’s a mean person.” When I showed him her picture, he then responded with, “Oh, she looks like a nice girl! Are you sure you’re not just overreacting?”

Um… wut? Yeah. Ok.

Last weekend, I was hanging out with another male friend of mine and he told me about how he went to lunch with a girl who has a “slutty” reputation among her peers. His friends didn’t waste anytime to let him know that he shouldn’t have hung out with her.

And this my friends… is what we call slut shaming.

Emma Stone as "Olive Penderghast" in Screen Gems' EASY A.

You may or may not have heard of this term before, but EVERYONE regardless of their gender or sexuality should know it and understand it. Why? Because at the core of this problem is that people are not receiving the respect they deserve. And everyone deserves respect. Everyone.

Slut shaming is used to describe the act of making people feel guilty or inferior for expressing their sexuality in a way that isn’t orthodox or “normal.” Slut shaming has been so ingrained in our culture that it is now a SOCIETY-wide issue; as in, all genders play a part in sharing the blame. It can happen in many ways. For example, it can simply be when a man looks at a woman who’s getting sexually harassed at a bar and says, “Well she deserves it. Her skirt is short and her boobs are hanging out.” Or it can be when a woman looks at another woman and says, “She’s fucked so many guys… that little slut.” And be honest with yourself. You can’t tell me you’ve NEVER heard anyone say those things, or you’ve never thought them yourself.

Here’s some historical background on it – once upon a time, women didn’t have any rights and the only person they were allowed to fuck was their husband, a.k.a. the person who had legal ownership over her. Through time, we’ve opened our minds to allow women to have sex before marriage, but she has to be sure she LOVES him. Otherwise, you’re a slut for opening up your legs for some random dude. This is where we’re currently at and quite frankly, that’s sad.
ladylike_sexist

One of my male friends reposted this on his Facebook and I couldn’t help but cringe at it. You see, THIS is another example of slut shaming. Are you seeing a trend here? Basically, if a woman is labeled as a slut or whore, she gives up all her rights as a human being and we as a society have the right to treat her like the trash she is. IT’S RIDICULOUS, and I’m so tired of being bombarded with these messages on a daily basis. Just because someone expresses their sexuality in a way that isn’t the way you express yours, doesn’t mean they’re any less of a person. These women are exercising their right to have sex whenever they want with whoever they want. And what’s wrong with that? Men do it all the time.

It’s because of this notion that our precious va-jay-jay is this pure, untouched temple of heaven and if too many people have gone there, then this place has become a filthy, nasty, trashed up place. To achieve gender equality, we have to stop looking at it like that because it holds everyone to a different standard. And what happens when people don’t hold up to these standards? Then they become fucking failures that are slutty and stupid.

Listen up, y’all. Everyone has the right to express themselves however they see fit. It is their body, and it is their personal choice on what they want to do with it. It’s a pretty arrogant mentality if you feel like you have the right to tell someone what to wear, when to wear it, if they should have access to birth control, if they should be drinking that much, and so forth. So what I’m trying to say is… stop fucking telling people what to do! Stop treating women like they need to act in an appropriate way that YOU see fit in order to gain your respect. They deserve that respect from the beginning. We all do.

meangirlsslutwhore

It really comes down to a power dynamic. Women who behave in a way that is deemed appropriate by men are higher up the totem pole than women who behave in “bad” ways that men don’t approve of. Here’s a thought – why don’t we stop trying to please everyone else and why don’t we focus on what the fuck makes US happy? Who gives a fuck if someone doesn’t approve of how you behave? It’s your life – do what you want with it. Another person’s personal choices don’t affect yours. Stop being fixated on shit that doesn’t play any relevance to you in your life.

Stop controlling other people’s choices. You don’t have that right.

Disney Channel Introduces its First LGBTQ Couple

Good Morning, loves! Happy Monday.

This weekend was sure an eventful one in the Pop Culture world. Yesterday night was the 56th Grammy Music Awards and although I don’t have the patience to sit through an entire award show, the performances were nothing short of amazing. Besides, thanks to my Twitter feed, I found out who won, who lost, and all the cute little gossip in between.

But I wanted to shed light on another phenomenon that was happening the same night. If you turn your attention to cable television, the Disney channel show “Good Luck Charlie” made a great stride toward gender equality by introducing an LGBTQ couple on the show. Basically the premise of the show focuses on the Duncan family and their shenanigans growing up as a middle class, White, American family. Charlie, the youngest of the kids, has a play date with one of her classmates Taylor. Charlie’s parents, Amy and Bob, talk about how Taylor’s parents are also coming over to hang out and they grow confused as to who Taylor’s mom is because they were introduced to two different people. When Taylor and her parents come over, lo and behold, they discover Taylor has two moms.

Before this episode aired, I remember distinctly seeing some articles floating around the internet about Disney introducing a gay couple and I remember thinking, “Wow. It’s about time!” Because most of the pop culture world tuned in to the Grammys last night, I felt like this event got lost in translation. We need to show Disney channel some love too! (Wow… didn’t think I’d ever catch myself saying that.)

Disney channel has always had a reputation for introducing squeaky clean child stars that for some reason turn into the hot messes of Hollywood, therefore becoming a questionable role model for today’s youth. However, I feel this important leap into gender equality just goes to show that Disney has still got it in them. I personally hope a lot of children and teenagers watch this episode because it’s about time we start introducing these archetypes into mainstream television. Especially mainstream television that KIDS watch because as we all know, they’re the most susceptible to internalizing the information they see in the media at this age.

Although I would have LOVED to see a colored family and actors that weren’t all stick skinny, I give Disney channel props for taking a step in the right direction. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the fight against injustice is a long, winding road and we’re battling against centuries of oppression that has become normalized in our society. Any step counts and that’s all that matters.

I also find it ridiculously adorable that during the Grammys, hundreds of couples, whether they were gay, straight, bi, or whatever they identify with, got married during Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ performance of “Same Love” with Queen Latifah officiating and Madonna making a guest appearance. My heart cannot handle all these feels, guys. I definitely cried during their performance and I am just so happy that people like them use their platforms to promote equality and change.

As one of my favorite Youtubers tweeted last night, “It was a great night to be gay.”

Click here to watch Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ performance of “Same Love” at the Grammys.

Happiness is Here

balloonHappy 2014! I’M BACK!

As much as I’m excited for this brand new year, I have to be honest with you guys: I hate New Years Resolutions. The concept behind them is pretty nice; you make a promise to yourself that you will improve in some aspect that will result in you being a happier person. Sounds legit, right? But here’s the thing… why do we put so much emphasis on making these promises at the start of each year? We can make these promises ANYTIME throughout the entire year. And why do we make these promises to ourselves that don’t correspond to who we are? I mean, you’re really gonna go to the gym five times a week when you haven’t done any rigorous physical activity since high school? Whose goals are you making… yours or society’s? And to that I say – fuck that.

I’ve been in a funk for the past month. I was on cloud nine in my last blog post and now I’m telling you upfront that I’ve been in this stupid, depressed clusterfuck since then. I’ve tried everything from mindless distractions to consistently writing in my journal. I have to constantly remind myself that a broken heart doesn’t heal overnight… especially if you’re like me and constantly think about shit too often.

But I realized something. Happiness is here. It’s always been here, but I’m just refusing to accept it. When I think about my life, I can’t help but be proud and grateful for all the accomplishments I’ve made, friends I’ve kept around, and places I’ve been to. Just because one aspect in your life isn’t up to par with what you envision it to be doesn’t mean the rest of your life has failed. That should just give you motivation to really kick your ass into high gear. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, “What’s important to me? What do I WANT and what do I NEED?” Once you can answer those questions honestly for yourself, that’s when you can get your shit together and turn those ideas into actions.

And don’t ever feel like you need to justify yourself as to why you feel the way you feel. No one can tell you how to feel. Only YOU can internalize that for yourself.

So here’s my New Years Resolution from now til… ever. I want it ALL. *cue High School Musical number right here* Anyone? No? Damn you people for not understanding my love for Disney movies. (I’m mentally shaking my fist at you.)

But in all seriousness, I want to work on every aspect of myself. I want to grow as a dancer, I want to grow as a leader, I want to become more independent, I want to start vlogging again, I want to grow as a writer, and I want a kick-ass supportive partner that wants to share this crazy journey with me. I want to be a fucking modern day Renaissance Woman.

I know what you’re thinking – “Whoa, slow down girl! One thing at a time!” But who’s to say your methods are what’s going to work for me? Or that my methods are going to work for you? Maybe my crazy, spontaneous, impulsive way of living makes you uncomfortable. Or maybe it intrigues you. Whatever it does, it makes ME happy. And that’s all that matters. No one can take that away from me. No government, no institution, no workplace, no friend, no family, and especially no BOY… can take my right to be happy.

So here’s to a good year. 2014, I have a lot of plans for you. I know you’re going to test me, but I’m ready. Let’s kiss and make up. And kiss again. And then you can kiss my ass for testing me. Because I’m ready to run this shit.

Late Night Ramblings

Hello beautiful! It’s been a LONG while.

I apologize for the hiatus. I’m busy with a lot of new and exciting things in my life, so I haven’t found the time to just sit and write. This post is gonna be more of a rant and life update rather than my usual commentary about geekdom, Asian-American issues, or feminist topics. So if you follow my blog for any of those reasons, you can come back tomorrow. Or if you do find my personal life interesting, then read on, brothas and sistas!

Well I guess first things first, I’ll start with what’s going on in my life. I’m officially on a competitive hip hop dance team! *insert applause here* It’s always been a dream of mine to really invest myself in the SoCal dance scene and I’m very grateful the opportunity has been given to me. I still intern for Boogiezone so now I’m balancing these two amazing dance activities and I couldn’t be more appreciative. The only REAL issue I have is that the commute fucking sucks. Like, I’m not even going to sugar coat it. I get that’s the sacrifice I have to make in order to pursue my passion, but it’s just super difficult for me. If I could, I would move out to LA in order to be close to my dance world, but then I run into the problem of not having sufficient funds to be paying rent and supporting myself in general. Ugh, life is TOUGH! These are the dog days, you guys. We just gotta keep working hard until we take our last breath.

Damn, sorry I got real morbid there. ONTO happier thoughts, I’m really enjoying my refurbished life as a dancer. Notice how I didn’t say “new.” (Yet I said refurbished which not only is pretty much the same thing… I made myself sound like a piece of furniture. I shake my head at myself sometimes.) I don’t want to say this is my “new” life because I like to think of our lives as an ongoing journey that continues to reinvent itself day by day. If you’ve followed my blog for a while now, you’ll know that I’ve mentioned a couple times that the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013 really sucked for me. I really went through a toxic time and lost myself for a bit. But now I’m proud to say I’m very happy and at peace with myself. Sometimes you just gotta remove yourself from a situation to truly understand the bigger picture. I’m happy to say I am in a healthy and happy state of mind and although I do still stress out from time to time, I am grateful for the life I’ve been given. (And btw, stress is normal! Too much of it is a bad thing.)

Aside from that, I’m just finishing up school and working. I’m trying to find a job out in LA so that I can officially move out, but right now I’m still searching. Ugh, the struggle is real! And yes I am being picky about what kind of job. I’ve been working at this coffee shop for almost 5 years. I don’t need another shitty customer service job, thank you very much. I’m a semi college graduate… I need something a little better.

I’m still attending conventions! I’ll be going to Comikaze next weekend on Saturday so if you happen to be going, let me know! 🙂 I love meeting other fellow bloggers in person! I’ll also be at Pacific Media Expo the following week (also on Saturday) and it’s kinda up in the air right now, but I might be going to Long Beach Comic Con as well. So if you’re going to be at any of these conventions in the next month, don’t be shy, come say hi! I’ll be cosplaying as Psylocke in her X-Force uniform so let’s take pictures and be friends. Cuz lord knows I need some.

Just kidding! It’s not like I’m desperate for human interaction or anything. Haha….

Ok I am. I SWEAR I’M NOT WEIRD! Anyways…

I’m actually prepping to get started on Maid Cafe plans for next year. I’ve been brainstorming some ideas so all I need to do is just discuss them with my director and get the OK to start implementing everything. I’m pretty excited, to be honest. Maid Cafe is my baby and I just love watching it grow and become better and better each year. I’ll be honest, I used to be really fixated on the “competition” (a.k.a the other Maid Cafes) but now I’m just like “fuck it.” They’re gonna do their thing, and I’m gonna do mine. At the end of the day, that’s just how it is. The biggest competitor I have is myself and I can only become a better leader if I continue to strive to be better than who I was yesterday. So with that being said, y’all better be excited for next year’s Anime Expo. We goin’ in, son.

I’m trying to save up and buy myself a nice camera so that I can go back to vlogging. (This is why I haven’t posted any videos on my channel… in case you were wondering.) So you know what that means! I’m going to be partaking in Black Friday festivities this year. I AM SO EXCITED! I don’t know why nerdy shit like this gets me ridiculously pumped, but you best know I’m already packing my shit and setting up camp. Don’t underestimate me because I’m small. I will cut a bitch to get my camera.

Okaaaayyy maybe not… but I WILL be aggressive. I’m going for the sneak attack. You won’t even see me coming cuz I have the stealth of a ninja. HADOKEN!!

(Ryu’s not even a ninja. LOL. Don’t judge me, it’s late.)

Um… so this post wasn’t very entertaining like some of my other content. So I’ll just leave you with one of my crazy ass vines. (Which btw… go follow me. Ya know… if you have nothing better to do.)

It’s good to be back. 🙂 See you guys soon!

-Ally

Single Girl Thoughts #1 – Yes, I Have Standards

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

Photo from angrylittlegirls.com

The only person I’ve been kissing lately is my dog. And I guess that technically doesn’t count because it’s not a person.

So let me be clear on one thing – I AM happy. I’m not writing these series of posts to prove that I’m happy to anyone. If you are somehow involved in my life right now, you’ll just know. My life is on a positive path and I’m working hard to achieve my goals. Yes, I’m happy.

And surprise, surprise. I’m happy even if I’m NOT dating! (Say whaaat?!)

So I was inspired to write about this topic because I just got into a little squabble with a dear friend of mine. I was asking him for help to try to decode this text message I got from a guy and we got into conversation about dating. Specifically, he was asking me why I wouldn’t give this guy a chance and that I should start casually dating again. I, on the other hand, have a different viewpoint on all that.

Yes, I have standards. They’re not unbelievably high or anything, but I have standards. I say this a lot, but I guess people don’t really get it: I know what I want. So if I know what I want, why should I go on dates with people that I don’t want to know on that intimate level? I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with them. Of course we can be friends! But why would I go on a date with someone who’s interested in me if I’m not interested back? Wouldn’t that be what we call, “a pity date?” I’m pretty damn sure no guy would be delighted to know that the only reason a girl is going out with him is out of pity.

Also, I’m not saying I absolutely don’t care about what this guy has to say. Like I said, I’m totally down with being friends! FRIENDS. Meaning, yeah we can hang out in a group setting with OTHER FRIENDS. But don’t expect me to hang out with you in a one-on-one setting anytime soon.

Here’s what makes me mad. Why is it when a girl has standards she’s considered a bitch, but when she has virtually no standards she’s considered easy?

UGH! It just doesn’t make sense! So if I didn’t have any standards and just went out with every guy who was interested, you can’t fcking tell me that you and everyone else wouldn’t look at that and go “Damn, homegirl’s thirsty!” But lo and behold, the moment I’m just trying to play it cool and just not date around because I really, truly just wanna do me right now, people are like “Why you got a stick up your ass?!”

It’s just not fair. It’s like girls can’t ever win this stupid, imaginary debate. And if you’re wondering if I’m implying there’s a double standard… HELL YEAH I’m implying that! You can’t tell me that if you saw a happy, single guy who was busy doing his own shit and chasing his dreams, you would find that attractive. Everyone would be all over him. And then when he’s trying to talk to multiple girls at once, everyone’s like “Damn homie! Look at you playing the field!”

Why can’t I fucking play the field? Why can’t I just do my own thing and if I happen to meet someone that I’m interested in, I’ll date him then? Why do I have to be dating around right now just to be accepted in society as “happy?” Why can’t people believe me when I say I’m fine just doing me right now?

——–

On a personal note – SORRY I went on hiatus without letting you guys know! 😦 Life just got busy and I didn’t really have time to sit down and blog. But I’m back and I’ll be blogging more often (I PROMISE!) In case you guys miss my shenanigans, please follow me on all my social networks! I’m on everything – Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram, even Google+! (Even though no one knows what the fck that is, haha.)

Thanks for all your support! I’ll see you guys soon!

-Ally

I Am Awkward.

Hey everyone! Happy Saturday!

Lately my posts have been pretty angry and political, so I wanted to bring back a little bit of my derpy side to lighten the mood. After all, I’m not ALWAYS angry. Just ya know… just almost always most of the time. (Wait, what?)

So if you’ve kept up with my blog thus far, I think I’ve shown you guys just how weird and awkward I am. I try not to be, but I can’t help it when I find things funny and I make a joke and no one gets it. Then I’m THAT person just laughing by myself at something I thought would be hilarious to everyone. Damnit.

So just TODAY ALONE, I had two extremely embarrassing events happen to me. When I was walking into work, this girl was walking towards me and she smiled and waved. When I see people smile, I can’t help but smile back so I instinctively just smiled and said hello to her. She then nervously laughed and said, “Oh no… I was waving to my friend,” and she points to her friend pulling up in a car, picking the girl up.

I know this is a classic awkward scenario and if you’ve ever experienced this then you understand my feels. My super awkward, ashamed feels. Like, let’s just crawl into a hole in the ground and not come up for air for a good week.

After that happened, I waltzed right into work and told myself I wasn’t gonna let that get to me. Just because my day started awkwardly, doesn’t mean it has to keep going, right? Well, wrong. My next awkward moment tops that one.

My coworker is making drinks (remember, I work at a coffee shop) and he calls me over to look at the name on the cup. The name on the cup says “Usher.” So, we don’t get this often, but we get it enough. Yeah, yeah, you want us to call out the name “Tupac, Naruto, or Barack Obama.” Yeah, I’ve seen it all. And usually when it happens, I make sure I make them feel super weird about it when they pick up their drink. For instance, if there’s a bunch of people waiting for their drinks in the lobby, I’ll call out, “I got a *insert drink name here* for Shanikwa! Shanikwa, I got your drink right over here!” I will yell this obnoxiously loud and most of the time, this young White or Asian teeny bopper awkwardly walks up to grab her drink while her friends are in the corner cracking up. But hey, that shit’s not funny when there’s an actual Shanikwa in the building. TRY LAUGHING NOW, HUH?!

But anyways, the cup says “Usher,” so I automatically assume it’s one of those kids. So I laugh and I’m like, “Okay I got this one… URSHERRR I GOT YO DRINK RIGHT HERE!” And this Middle Eastern man in his late twenties-early thirties walks up and grabs his drink. My coworker and I are shocked that it’s not some young hoodlum trying to fuck with us, so my coworker asks, “Is that really your name?” And sure enough, homie says “Yeah, that’s my real name.”

YYYYEAHH…. You can imagine the look on my face at this point.

So then to make things less awkward, the guy says “I also have a fake name too.” So then I automatically think “Omg! So he was kidding all along!” And I try to follow his game and I tell him, “Oh me too! My real name is Ariana Grande and my fake name is Ally.” And then I realize… homie wasn’t playing a game. His real name is actually Usher.

Damnit. I totally just made this awkward situation even awkward-er. Why am I cursed with such a weird personality?!

After I realized he wasn’t lying about his name, I told him, “Oh.. sorry… totally thought you were messing with me. I was trying to follow that game, but I definitely was playing that game by myself.” The guy was a good sport about it though. Before he left, he chuckled and said, “Game over.”

So there you have it. I don’t exaggerate or lie when I say I truly just derp around in real life. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being normal and 10 being goofy, I’m a 20. Sometimes arguably a 30. I don’t even have an adjective for that high of a number.

It’s just Ally. I’m just me. Awkward ol’ me.

-Ally

Shut up With That Racist Shit!

Hey everyone!

So in the recent months, the subject of race and ethnicity have been a hot topic in politics and pop culture. For one, the Trayvon Martin case definitely evoked intense feelings of oppression and injustice in the court system. Now the newest wave of racist gossip comes from last night’s announcement of our new Miss America.

Photo from jezebel.com

Photo from jezebel.com

If you haven’t already, check out this article from Jezebel that was published today titled, “Racists Are Being Hella Racist Because Miss America Isn’t White.”  The article displays some of the vicious tweets from people about the reaction to Miss New York Nina Duvulari winning the title of Miss America. Here are a couple from the article so you can get an idea of what kind of feedback they gave:

1) “How the fuck does a foreigner win Miss America? She is a Arab! #idiots”
-Jake Amick (@Jackamick5)

2) “Miss America? You mean Miss 7-11”
-CHEEZ-IT (@JPLman95)

3) “Don’t you have to be American to win Miss AMERICA? This bitch is some type of Indian.”
-Emily (@emi_adkins)
Soo.. let’s let that sink in for a minute.

The ignorance, stupidity, and maliciousness that consume most of this country just baffles me. I don’t even know where to start with this one. I guess I’ll start with the most obvious one: geography.

Remember in grade school when you were forced to look at a map of the world? And your teacher taught you that all those colorful pieces of land are called continents and within each continent there are different countries? If you weren’t taught this, then I guess I can understand why you’re a fucking idiot. This, my friends, is called the WORLD. The world is made up of many different places. There are countries and within these countries are PEOPLE. Depending on what country you’re in, there are different dialects and customs. It’s called.. um.. LIFE. Yeah. Go read about other people’s lives while you color in your geography worksheet. Remember, North and South America are two continents, k?

It is BEYOND depressing that people who are racist can’t even distinguish who they’re racist about. Like, if you’re gonna hate on someone, at least KNOW who and what you’re hating on. Otherwise, you look like an uneducated idiot. Oh, too late for that. You fucked that up yourself.

In case you don’t know the history of this country, let me give you a quick breakdown. English pilgrims came to this country to live and be free from a monarchy. They IMMIGRATED here. This land was already being inhabited by Native Americans. But because these bad ass pilgrims wanted to conquer the land, they drove the Native Americans out and took over. Cuz they’re bad ass and bad asses get what they want.

So with that being said, WE’RE ALL IMMIGRANTS. So shut the fuck up with that nonsense about getting rid of illegal immigrants, as if you actually OWN America. Miss Nina Duvulari IS American. So are you, and so am I. Just because we don’t have white skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes, doesn’t mean we’re not American. If you were born here, raised here, believe in this country and do your part to be a good citizen, then you belong here.

And don’t sound off about minorities like myself being racist to white people. Oh, jeez, don’t even go there. Minorities like myself who write about these kinds of controversies are just bringing light to the bullshit that’s happening before our eyes. There’s something called “White Privilege.” And if you’re white, you automatically have that. And don’t be all like, “Well it’s not my fault I was born white!”

EXACTLY. Just like it’s not anyone’s fault that they’re homosexual or that they’re black. So for the last time, shut the fuck up with this nonsense.

-Ally